Don't just do something, stand there!

I’m writing this blog in the wee hours of the morning on April 30^th (probably to the dismay of my roommate, who has to listen to my keys clicking in the dark before she can fall asleep again after I woke her up by opening the door to our room and letting all the brightness in because I had to go to the bathroom…) But I feel like I need to write it right now... because tomorrow I’m going to punish Kara by making her read some of my blog, and I wanted to be current.

So, feeling justified, I begin.

This blog was going to be about my experience in Washington County Jail last evening, but I’m not sure how to describe it… I thought I had all of these beautiful and profound things to say.

I should have written down everything they said right after I left, but it was almost too painful – I avoided it, I think. We went and got ice cream. Ice cream. I waltz out of there cracking jokes and get myself a freaking fudge sundae…

And, right now, she’s probably sitting there in block G, freezing, uncomfortable, unable to sleep. Thinking about her daughter - about the reality that her 22 year old child has been sentenced to 10+ years in federal prison, and all she can do is lay in her bunk and try not to break into lots of small pieces.

They don’t get to choose what to wear, or when to go to bed, or when to shower, or what they’re going to listen to, or where they’re going to go, or what they’re going to do with their kids today, or any of that…

They don’t get to know what time it is.

When they ask, the guards reply, “There is no time in Washington County Jail.”

And there really isn’t. For me, the time in Washington County Jail is an hour – punctuated by a car ride to Fayetteville and a hot fudge sundae.

“I’m not going to sleep tonight… not like this. Now that I know what’s going to happen to her…”

“I go to bed… I don’t go to sleep. Shit, there’s no way to sleep in here – have you heard the doors slamming? So when you can’t sleep, you can just come over to my bunk and sit there. I promise, I won’t be asleep, either.”

“Ok.”

And I can flip around my Bible and say things like, “God doesn’t fix our problems right away, but He is present with us in our pain,” all night, but I can’t say anything like that… but I do get to listen.

Cardinal Sins

Cardinal Sin #313: Posting about the Hunger Games twice within a few days after not blogging for two months.

This is what it looks like to commit Cardinal Sin #313:

This semester, I took a class called "Human Growth and Development." I didn't exactly apply myself, but I caught bits here and there.

This semester, The Hunger Games movie came to theaters! I did plenty of research on that topic - books, movie, soundtrack, articles, YouTube interviews, movie companion, internet memes, frequent discussions, and, yes, a cookbook (there's a recipe for mashed turnips, which looks kind of scary, but, I mean, what else are you going to eat in District 13?)

Anyway - here's where the two collide in my mind:

The central idea of the series capitalizes on adolescent cognitive development. The whole process of puberty involves lots of new hormones and brain growth - one result of this is that the limbic system (I FEEL!) begins to have new and improved capacities before the prefrontal cortex (I PLAN!). This causes the adolescent brain to revert to a state of egocentrism (humans also display excessive egocentrism around age 2-6, during which they develop their first theory of mind - or begin to understand that other people also have feelings and thoughts, and their feelings and thoughts might be different the ones that are bouncing around in their own early childhood head).

Adolescents have an intensively developed theory of mind and egocentrism at the same time. This produces some pretty great thought patterns, which relate directly to the wildly successful Hunger Games series:

1. Personal Fable - the adolescent idea that the self is simply destined to become great/famous/successful/etc. Like, I don't know, a 16-year-old girl who just happens to spend her time hunting and hiding in the woods before she nobly sacrifices herself to an authoritarian government for the sake of her beloved sister and ends up surviving a gladiatorial style pageant (complete with extreme makeover!) only to become a nationwide symbol of revolt against said authoritarian government. Yes, at some level, all adolescents desire to protaganize (not a verb) some great adventure that everybody knows about.

2. Invincibility Fable - the adolescent idea that the self is not subject to the same "that's dangerous, don't try it" rules as other people. According to this thought pattern, it is conceivable that, despite all probabilities, one won’t be killed by a conglomeration of knife-throwing girls, burns, lashes, general disregard for instructions, psycho brainwashed boyfriends, and trippy booby traps that would kill anybody else.

3. The Imaginary Audience - the adolescent idea that the self is subject to the constant scrutiny of everyone else in the world. Just as if the self was on TV 24/7. Or, in the words of T-Swift – “Everybody's wai -ting for you to breakdown/
Everybody's wa - tching to see the fallout/Even when you're sleeping, sleeping/Keep your eye-eyes open”. Music From District 12 and Beyond, Track 14.

Of course, Katniss is not your typical adolescent. Sometimes she sounds like one (“PEEETA OR GAAAALE??” I don’t know, K-dog, lemme call the WAH-mbulance... JUST PICK ONE). But I don’t think that the character is prey to these adolescent thought patterns herself – she frequently resents her fame, she knows that her survival is improbable, and she doesn’t THINK that everyone is watching her, everyone IS watching her.

The readers of the Hunger Games, on the other hand, are easily susceptible to the thought patterns that the series (that word is singular and it ends in s... what's the plural of "series"? "Serieses"?) allows them to indulge. It's a tale told in first person present - it's easy to envision oneself as the protagonist - the fated-for-greateness, survive-against-all-odds, important-to-everyone adolescent protagonist. Losing oneself in this fantasy is only too easy, to the deep regret of the part of myself that would like to spend time thinking about more important things.

HUNGER G!!!

Once upon a Hunger Games,

I have not blogged in... a while.

But Sarah said things about me in her blog on February 21, and it made me so happy I decided to mention her in a blog... and me in a blog... figured it'd make both of us happy. Blog happy.

HEY SARAH HEY SARAH HEY SARAH!!!! I LOVE YOU!! Shout out to Hillary, too - you're awesome and I love eating things at your house! Wish I was that lucky more often! I'll stop by during the skype date tonight so we can talk about Winters Bone and that time that you were almost a stand-in for Jennifer Lawrence.

Which is a nice lead in to what have I been doing for the past... uh... two months and one week and a couple days. I have spent more time than necessary obsessing about the Hunger Games...

MEME:

Smirk.

And less time than necessary doing my homework, but we did learn something about Darwin... this picture is funny, though, because Herbert Spencer was the one who actually coined the term "survival of the fittest" - so, here we see Darwin out hipstering the Hunger Games while he is out hipstered by Herbert Spencer.

Yeah, a couple of months ago, I figured I was going to take a siesta from internet activity in order to become more wholly myself... and better disciplined... then I let THIS get in the way:

Not that these are bad things... I've just spent a whole semester playing with trifles... hiding from bigger issues... or at least it feels like it.

I want more from myself. I want more for myself.



Since a good *best* friend has taught me to laugh at myself - I will. Before I go all angsty squirrel on everybody (OMG, Sarah, I googled "angsty squirrel" and found this great image, but it's copyrighted [TIE IN TO ED. FOUNDATIONS!]... first world PROBLEMS...(see link - http://www.flickr.com/photos/28208480@N05/5625732170/in/photostream/)).

So, since I can't produce the angsty squirrel - here's DanRad - Level OP Angst -

"AHHHHHHGNNGHGHHGHG *growly noise* ANNGGHGUGUGH."