From Lucille

I received an iPad from an overly wonderful aunt, so I decided to try blogging from it. The iPad's name is Lucille... At least, I think that's how you spell her name.

It's a little slow and laborious, but I'll sacrifice for the cause.

There are a ridiculous amount of good things happening in my life right now, but I guess I'm choosing not to shake the general feelings of angst... I've taken to describing my life as awkward... Oh, I'm awkward, that's awkward, my whole friggin life is one mess of awkward. A better word is insecure.

On our lovely drive to Branson yesterday (I'm vacationing at my roommate's house with another one of my best friends... So many good things happening, seriously!) I gave some thought to what my life would be like if I wasn't so committed to feeling awkward (insecure) about every situation ever... If I let go, started breathing more evenly, accepted things about myself and others and life and...

It's a mess and I can learn to love it that way or feel forever awkward...

At the kids program at my church, we sing a song that goes like this:

"Jesus, Jesus loves the children, yes, He does, yes, He does,
Jesus, Jesus loves the children, yes, He does, yes He does,
Jesus, Jesus loves the children, yes He does, yes, He does,
And, He wants all of them to love Him, too, ooo ooo ooo...."

And after we sing it once, we substitute someone's name in for each of the "the children"s:
"Jesus, Jesus loves Ben, yes, He does, yes, He does,
Jesus, Jesus loves Norah, yes, He does, yes, He does..."

And something really funny happens whenever we sing one of the kid's names. The named kid giggles, or slides down off of their chair, or hides their face, or turns red, or gets all wide-eyed, like they've been exposed. As though having the people in your life suggest to you that Jesus loves you is something to get all squirmy about.

Which it is. Because, if Jesus loves the children (all of them), there shouldn't be much to feel awkward or insecure about... Unless, of course, you don't happen to buy into that whole "yes, He does, yes, He does" part of the song.