Changing

Prompt: Reflect on yourself and describe how you have changed within the past month.

Here we go.

As far as emotions, changes, blog posts, and pretty much everything else except team sports goes, I tend to err on the side of the extreme.

In accordance with that, I lost my mind when I came to college. I was so excited, and I felt so free. If my life was a movie, the first few weeks here would have been the cheesy montage part, complete with the pop song in the background. I knew who I was and what I wanted. My mind was spinning all of the time, and I had the rest of my life planned out in detail. I was on my way to goodness, wholeness, and completeness. I felt like I had finally won the victory over myself, and was God ever lucky to have me now. I could be of so much use!

Sure, I had been a dolt for the past few years. But two weeks of college prepared me to take on the world, to conquer it, to win. Heck, I could leave. I had a universe to save.

My third weekend here, I was convicted. I received an email that wounded my pride, read a letter that made me realize just how rash I had been, and listened to a chapel session that turned all of my thinking on its head. My pride was checked as in checkmate. As in, I thought I was winning, but now it’s over, and the chess game simile doesn’t work because it’s not a game and there isn’t anything to win. But if there was, I definitely lost.

So, I’ve been on a self-imposed rollercoaster. Now I’m dizzy. I’m also frustrated, because I’ve learned this lesson before. A month ago, I needed to figure out what was best for me on my own. Now I know how poorly that pursuit ends.

To tie the story metaphor back into it, the things that I need have changed. I need another ambition and a better Narrator.